


You're Killing Me

by meiloslyther



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco, The Young Veins
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bondage, D/s, First Time, Fluff, M/M, blowjob, dub-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-09
Updated: 2009-08-12
Packaged: 2017-11-19 10:56:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/572510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meiloslyther/pseuds/meiloslyther
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"...but I think Rydon would kill each other if they actually dated."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Brendon take a shower together, but it doesn't end pretty.

Ryan's carefully styled hair began to fall in his face as the night wore on, the sweat glistening off of every inch of skin he allowed to be seen, which wasn't a whole lot. His intricate eye makeup was beginning to wear off, and his fingers were almost raw from nearly three hours straight of playing the guitar.

Running the back of a shaky hand across his sweaty upper lip, he looked over at Brendon as he started up their last song of the night on the piano. Brendon was drenched as much, if not more so than Ryan; after running around the stage, screaming out lyrics at the top of his lungs, and showing off his moves with their dancers, he should have been.

Afterwards, the four trudged off the stage and back to the dressing room where Spencer was first to call dibs on the shower. Poor kid looked like he needed it; the drums were a pretty physically demanding instrument, and Spencer wasn't a wuss when it came to his beloved drums.

"Dude, I reek. I call the shower next," Jon complained, flopping down on the couch.

"You didn't even break a fucking sweat," Brendon replied, wiping a thumb across Jon's perfectly dry forehead before collapsing next to him. "I bet you smell better than me."

"I know I smell better than you, Brendon," Ryan bragged, leaning over to look for something to drink in the tiny fridge.

"Yeah right. You look like you just ran a mile."

"No, really," Ryan argued, plopping down on the other side of Brendon, a bottle of water in hand. "I've got this vanilla deodorant that's like... the best shit ever. Seriously, smell me."

Skeptical, Brendon leaned over and stuck his nose in Ryan's armpit. "You actually smell really good... Dude, you smell like a girl."

"It's a girl's deodorant."

"What the fuck, Ryan? People think you're gay enough without them knowing you wear girl's deodorant," Jon quipped, jumping up from the couch when Spencer returned, his hair still wet and slick.

"Fuck you, Jon!" Ryan yelled after him, laughing.

"Well, at least he smells like a man," Brendon muttered, earning himself a swift punch in the shoulder. "Ow."

"I don't even WANT to know. You guys do know you can go back to the hotel to get a shower, right?"

"It's such a long walk though. I'm already tired," Brendon whined, giving his best pouty face.

Ryan shook his head at the second youngest member of the band and pulled him up off the couch as he stood. "Come on, I'll go with you. You can call it first."

"I guess I'll wait here for Jon then," Spencer called after them uselessly, replacing them on the couch as they walked out.

The air between the two was charged with an indescribable intensity as they walked back to their hotel, but the silence between them was comfortable and understood. It was how it had always been with them; they were like two magnets with an unnatural combination of attraction and repulsion towards the other.

They parted at Brendon's door, which was the first on the hallway, and Ryan took the few extra steps to his own. However, even though they had their own rooms, they joined at the most crucial part; the bathroom.

Ryan slowly stripped down to his underwear before trudging into the bathroom where he came face to face with Brendon, also clad in only his underwear.

"Didn't you say I could call it first?"

"Why waste the water?" Ryan shrugged, dropping his last article of clothing without any thought. "Besides, the shower's big enough for two," he added, going over to the stall and turning on the water.

Brendon hesitated.

"Oh, come on. Like you've never taken a shower with me, shit."

Brendon conceded, grinning as he dropped his boxers as well and followed his elder into the shower stall. He remembered the last time they had been in this situation VERY well.

"Nothing funny this time, Urie, I'm warning you," Ryan scolded, seeing the smug look on Brendon's face.

Brendon's smile widened and he stuck his nose in rather hazardous proximity to Ryan's ear. "What, baby, you don't want any of this? That's not what you said last night."

Ryan elbowed him away as he grabbed the shampoo, laughing in spite of himself. "I was pretty damn sure YOU were the one begging for it all night long," he countered, beginning to scrub the grease and sweat from his hair. " _'Oh, fuck, Ryan, give it to me! Your dick's so big and hard and I want it all inside of me!'_ "

Brendon cracked up at the lame impression of himself, nearly getting shampoo in his eyes. "As if. I believe it was more like, _'Oh Brendon, fuck me harder! Faster, Brenny, faster!'_ "

"You just wish it was like that."

"You just wish I would fuck you."

They stared at each other then, smiles and laughter long gone, the water slowly rinsing the soap from their hair and drumming a suddenly thundering staccato against the tile floor.

"If anyone was wishing to get fucked by someone, it'd be you, Brendon," Ryan whispered dangerously, looming over the younger of the two with what little height he had on him. "It'd be you wishing I was fucking you. Hard and mercilessly, in any place, any position your depraved little mind could think of."

Brendon found himself backed against the corner of the stall by then, but the glare in his eyes betrayed the fear he felt. His heart pounded even faster as Ryan placed his hands on the wall on either side of his shoulders, effectively pinning him in place without even touching him.

"The last time we were in this position, I only LET you suck me off because I knew you'd like it. And you'd like it if I fucked you, wouldn't you?" Ryan continued, taking advantage of Brendon's perpetual silence. "You'd love it. You'd take every last inch like a good little slut and you'd LOVE it."

Setting his jaw, Brendon stood up as straight as he could. "I'm sorry, but I'd never take it from a GIRL."

As if he were watching a movie, Brendon saw Ryan's hand retract back and knock him square in the nose before he even felt it, his head whipping back with the momentum to smack against the tile.

"Oh, shit," Brendon muttered, hands instinctively going up to hold his face as he collapsed against the wall. In a daze, he watched as Ryan stepped back to finish with his shower.

"You all right, Bren?" Ryan finally asked. "Get washed up and come in my room when you're done, I'll take a look at that for you," he finished when he got no answer.

Brendon waited for Ryan to leave the bathroom before sliding down to sit on the floor, still covering his throbbing nose with one hand.

_What the fuck just happened?_  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Brendon get into another slight disagreement.

The memory of the night before played on an endless loop in Brendon's head like some demented horror movie as they headed for the next venue. The lighthearted wisecracks and laughter, then the harsh words and Ryan towering over him like he was going to kill him -- or worse, rape him -- and then the punch...

God, his nose still hurt.

"What are you going to tell fans when they come up and ask you why you have two black eyes?" Spencer asked, noticing Brendon's hand unconsciously come up to carefully massage his aching nose for the umpteenth time.

"I'll just stop the rumors before they even start; I'll get up on stage and tell everyone it was Jon's fault," Brendon muttered with the slightest hint of a smile. Jon and Spencer didn't actually know what really happened; they just thought he had run into a doorjamb... again. If he had told them Ryan did it, they either wouldn't believe him or would want to know the WHOLE story, which Brendon would never admit to anyway.

Jon snorted in reply to Brendon's unconvincing explanation that was sure to get plenty of, 'Uh huh, sure''s and, 'Yeah, right''s. He was too engrossed in his Sidekick to really give much of a damn, so he didn't tell Brendon that.

"You're no fun, Jon," Brendon whined, grabbing a pillow from beside him on the couch and throwing it at the eldest's head.

Laughing, Jon tried throwing it back blindly with his left hand, but he missed and hit Ryan in the chest instead.

"You guys are a bunch of little kids," Spencer commented, laughing at the irony of his statement as he headed towards the back of the bus.

"You've got horrible aim," Brendon snickered, diving for the pillow now in Ryan's lap, but when he got there it was gone, and he collapsed rather unceremoniously against his skinny thighs.

Still blissfully unaware of his surroundings, Jon walked off to the kitchenette with a mumbled, "Food time," called over his shoulder as an excuse.

Brendon looked up from Ryan's lap to find he had the pillow held above his head in his left hand. Much too lazy to actually get up at that point, Brendon grabbed for it, but Ryan's long arm kept it just out of Brendon's reach.

"Come on, Ryan. Gimme the pillow."

"You gotta work for it, Bren."

Brendon let his arms drop. "Please? I wanna go smack Jon in the head with it."

"You have to come get it," Ryan sing-songed, hitting Brendon in the ass with it before quickly pulling it back out of reach, and they vaguely felt the bus begin to roll into the parking lot of the venue.

"Oh, you're asking for it," Brendon replied with a grin, going for Ryan's arm and easily pulling it down to his level, but Ryan had already passed the pillow to his other hand.

"What, having problems?" Ryan asked as Brendon went for his right arm as he easily moved the pillow back to his left.

"You're a douche, that's my problem," Brendon muttered, sitting up to straddle Ryan in his lame attempt to retrieve the goddamned pillow.

Spencer returned at that exact moment and nearly cracked up at the scene before him. Ryan had one hand on Brendon's chest to keep him away and the other held above and slightly behind him, effectively keeping the pillow out of reach. Brendon was on top of him, one knee on each side of Ryan's hips, reaching out for the pillow uselessly with both hands.

"Ryan, just let him suck you off already. That's obviously what he wants, not that damn pillow."

The two on the couch stared at each other in disbelief. Who in the hell had told Spencer?

"You told him, didn't you?" Ryan whispered.

"Like I would ever admit that to anyone."

"You'd obviously do it," Ryan countered, hitting him with the pillow again.

"Well, you'd be the one to brag about it!" Brendon argued, his voice rising slightly.

"Why would I want to brag about you sucking me off?"

"So you could humiliate me."

Ryan barked out a laugh. "There are a million and one worse ways that I could humiliate you, and over half of them don't even include public exposure."

Spencer cleared his throat and the two looked at him suddenly as if he had just gotten there. "I, uh, just thought Jon was joking when he told me that."

Brendon's eyes widened impossibly as he stared at Spencer, and Ryan turned his gaze to Brendon.

"So, you told JON? You little fucker!" Ryan yelled, grabbing for Brendon, but he had already scrambled off his lap and made a run for the bus door. "Brendon Boyd MOTHERFUCKIN' Urie, you are so dead!"

Ryan chased his younger band mate out the door and into the parking lot in which they had just parked. Brendon weaved in and out of the other buses and various other vehicles, not really paying attention to where he was going. He finally cut a corner too sharp around some van and grazed his hip, making him stumble. Taking his chances, Ryan lunged in and tackled Brendon to the ground.

"Okay, I give!" Brendon surrendered when Ryan kneeled over his back and took a firm grasp on his hair. Ryan stopped but didn't relinquish his power as he waited for Brendon to catch his breath against the hot, sticky pavement.

"Why did you tell Jon?" the elder finally asked when he thought Brendon had calmed down.

"It slipped out. It was an accident, I promise."

"How could you let something like that 'slip out'?" Ryan growled through clenched teeth, leaning over Brendon menacingly.

"I don't know -- ow! Not the hair, Ry -- ow!"

Easing off only a little, Ryan moved in even closer. "You give me a straight fucking answer, Urie, or I WILL rip all your hair out."

"Okay, okay, okay," Brendon freaked when Ryan tugged on his hair again. "He asked me if I had ever... done anything... and it kinda slipped out."

"Why would he ask you that?" Ryan wondered aloud, his voice losing some of its bite.

"I don't know."

"You told him something for him to ask you that," Ryan concluded, giving Brendon's scalp another sharp pull.

"Of course I did, but that's none of your business!"

"You better make it my business pretty damn quick, or you're gonna be in a world of hurt, Brenny."

The younger of the two inhaled abruptly and winced as Ryan tightened his grip on his hair. "Fine, all right. I told him..." Brendon sighed. "I told him I... might like... guys."

Ryan froze. The night before came rushing back to him like a freight train.

 

_"What, baby, you don't want any of this?..."_

_"If anyone was wishing to get fucked by someone, it'd be you, Brendon..."_

_"...I only LET you suck me off..."_

_"...You'd take every last inch like a good little slut and you'd LOVE it."_

 

"Ryan? You okay, man?"

Ryan shook away his thoughts before standing up and helping Brendon up off the ground. "Yeah. What about you?"

Brendon checked several places for anything serious before giving Ryan two thumbs up and a winning smile. "Say, wanna get joined rooms in the hotel again?"

Ryan tried to hide a grin and shrugged. "Sure, why not?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon asks Ryan for a big favor. REALLY big.

Ryan felt the subtle shift of his bed and immediately knew who it was before he even opened his eyes. He turned to see Brendon, sporting only a pair of old plaid boxers, crawling under the covers next to him.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Brendon apologized in little more than a whisper.

"It's all right, I wasn't asleep yet. Are you okay?"

The younger of the two nodded, his overgrown mop of dark brown hair falling into his eyes. "I'm only a little sore from earlier... Kinda lonely again."

Ryan sighed but pulled Brendon closer with a sleepy grin, leaving an arm slung over his waist. Brendon rolled to his other side and let Ryan press them together, his chest to Brendon's back. They laid that way for a while, both of them slowly lapsing into a half sleep.

"Ry?"

"Hmm, yeah?"

Brendon nervously weaved his fingers in between Ryan's. "You know you're my best friend, right?"

"I don't really deserve that title," Ryan muttered against Brendon's shoulder, and the other scoffed at him. "But yeah, I know."

Brendon was quiet for a minute or so and Ryan thought he had fallen asleep.

"You know I love you like a bro, right?" he finally continued, squeezing Ryan's hand.

"Of course, Bren. I love you too," he whispered back, hugging the other closer to him so minutely, Brendon almost thought he imagined it.

He went silent again, and Ryan could feel Brendon's heartbeat speed up just a little. He took a shaky breath before beginning again.

"I wanted to ask you something."

"I'm listening."

Brendon sighed, trying to calm his now racing pulse. "I was wondering if you ever... you know, got curious. About... you know."

Ryan paused to think for a second. "Well, yeah. Sometimes. Why else would I have considered letting you suck me off...?" he trailed, stopping himself before he said too much. His cock twitched at the memory of that fateful night in the shower. "Why do you ask?"

"I was a little curious myself, I guess," Brendon replied, slowly guiding Ryan's hand down his stomach and pressing his ass back against Ryan's crotch. The elder held his breath. "And I was hoping that maybe... just maybe..."

When their hands finally reached the waistband of Brendon's boxers, Ryan let out his breath against the other's neck and took control, his hand diving under the elastic band, his hips grinding forward against Brendon's perfect little ass.

"Ry...," Brendon groaned as the other stroked his hard cock and bit his earlobe. "You... you're hard."

Ryan laved a trail along Brendon's jawline before nipping at his jugular. "With an ass like yours, you shouldn't be surprised."

Suddenly, Brendon rolled over onto his back and sat up on his elbows. "I want it to be you."

"What?"

"I want you to be my first... with a guy."

Ryan blinked up at him in disbelief. "Me?"

Brendon let out an uneasy laugh and stared at his stomach. "You were right," he muttered, his tone so serious Ryan slipped his hand back out of Brendon's boxers to listen. "I do wish you were fucking me. Hard and mercilessly, in any place, any position my depraved little mind could think of."

With a crooked smirk, Ryan straddled Brendon's hips and pushed him back onto the pillows. "I thought you said you'd never take it from a GIRL," he quipped, running his hands along Brendon's smooth torso; that lanky, teenage-boy figure that Ryan was sure he'd never lose.

"I wouldn't," Brendon answered, groping Ryan's chest before sliding them down his stomach to his boxers, vaguely wondering where and when the other had gained those flawless pectorals and faint-but-definitely-there abs. "And you are obviously NOT a girl," he added, gently caressing Ryan's cock through the fabric.

"Well, I'm flattered," Ryan growled, leaning down to suck on Brendon's collar bone. His hands slithered down the body beneath him, his mouth following shortly after.

"You'll be careful though, right?" Brendon quavered, lifting his hips as Ryan tugged off his boxers.

Ryan crawled back up Brendon's body, taking hold of his face with both hands and looking deep into those anxious brown eyes.

"I'll be as careful as I possibly can."

Brendon bit his lip but finally nodded, and Ryan pulled back to remove his own boxers. His cock was suddenly a lot bigger than Brendon remembered and he swallowed audibly.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"No, no, I want to. I'm just... a little nervous."

Ryan brushed a lock of hair out of the other's eyes and cupped his cheek. "I'll do everything in my power to make this good for you. You don't have to be afraid."

Brendon silently agreed, bringing his knees up and spreading his legs. Ryan leaned over to his nightstand, grabbing a bottle of lube and a condom. Liberally coating his fingers, he pressed one against Brendon's opening and slowly eased it in.

"Good?"

"Yeah," Brendon exhaled, relaxing into Ryan's touch. "It's actually pretty nice."

With the second finger, Brendon winced and Ryan stopped to let him adjust. He gave Ryan the go-ahead after a few seconds, his knees spreading further.

At the third, Brendon cried out softly and bucked against Ryan's fingers. "God, Ry, please..."

Ryan's cock ached with anticipation in response to Brendon's whining, but he shook his head. "Not yet, Bren," he whispered, kissing the other's hip bone. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'll be fine, honest, just... please..."

"I'm bigger than you may think," Ryan replied, inserting all four fingers to the third knuckle, making Brendon squirm. "I made the mistake of rushing things with this one girl... but you don't want to hear about that."

As he continued to stretch Brendon's hole, Ryan picked up the condom with his free hand, ripping the wrapper open with his teeth and putting it on with one hand. When he was fairly certain that Brendon was ready, Ryan removed his hand and wiped it off on the side of the bed before positioning himself at Brendon's entrance.

"You can squeeze my hand if it hurts," Ryan muttered, lacing the fingers of his left hand with Brendon's right. "Are you ready?"

Brendon gazed up into Ryan's eyes, chewing on that plump bottom lip again. "Yeah."

Keeping the eye contact, Ryan pressed the head of his cock past Brendon's tight ring of muscle. Almost immediately, Brendon's eyes screwed shut and his hand clenched around Ryan's in perfect synchronization with his ass, causing Ryan's eyes to roll back in his head.

"Oh, fucking christ... relax, Bren...," Ryan gasped, bracing himself with his right hand.

"It hurts..."

"Shh, relax. Every thing's okay, just... relax." Ryan took a deep breath, the torture caused by his blatant denial of his desire to just fucking MOVE nearly intolerable. "C-concentrate on my hands," he panted, squeezing Brendon's hand and trailing his free one down Brendon's side to his softening cock.

Brendon's grip didn't falter, but his ass muscles slowly eased up and his dick came back to life with each stroke of Ryan's hand. Eventually, his hand loosened as well, and Ryan's fingers tingled painfully as the blood rushed back to them.

"Okay," Brendon finally murmured, turning his head to press a kiss to Ryan's hand before turning back to look him in the eye. "I think I'm... okay."

"You sure?" Ryan asked, pushing Brendon's already moist hair out of his eyes again. God, why did he have to be so considerate? All this waiting and being patient was killing him.

"Ry, please," was Brendon's only reply, coupled with a slight rocking of his hips.

Not wasting another second, Ryan groaned as he fully sheathed himself inside Brendon without any more problems. A small whimper escaped the younger man as Ryan pulled out a ways and then pushed back in, setting up a gentle rhythm; as slow as Ryan could stand, as fast as he thought Brendon could handle at that moment.

Brendon grabbed the sides of Ryan's head and pulled him down as if to kiss him, but he hesitated at the last second. They were just friends; Ryan was doing him a favor, he didn't ACTUALLY want to fuck Brendon, right? Which meant that kissing was definitely...

Ryan closed the gap between them, pressing his soft lips to Brendon's. Moaning against Ryan's mouth, Brendon kissed back, holding Ryan's head in place like it was the last time he'd ever kiss anyone again.

"Bren," Ryan murmured, running a hand down Brendon's chest and stomach to his hip, making the other shiver. "You... you feel..."

Brendon opened his eyes to see Ryan's face mere centimeters from his own, those big, soft brown eyes staring into his soul. His hair hung around his face, framing it like a perfect brown halo, and his mouth was held open in a silent groan. In that instant, reality hit Brendon like a ton of bricks, and he choked out a moan.

"Amazing," Ryan finished, punctuating the word with a thrust, causing Brendon to gasp.

"More," Brendon whispered, pulling Ryan's head down by his hair to breathe in his ear. "Make me remember this for the rest of my life."

Ryan paused and leaned back slightly. "Put your knees over my shoulders," he replied, helping Brendon do so. "Yeah, like this."

The elder grinned down at the man beneath him as he thrusted in again, and Brendon cried out as he hit that spot RIGHT THERE. His breath hitched as Ryan kept going, sending chills down Brendon's spine to his fingers and toes.

A spot in Brendon's chest ached in a pleasurably painful way as Ryan pounded into him. He wanted to express just how extraordinary he felt, how phenomenal RYAN felt inside of him, but there were no words. He couldn't even produce moans loud enough anymore, his wailing having already reached a frenzied pitch.

Suddenly, Ryan's mouth was on his again, all tongues and teeth in a heat of the moment, open mouthed, holy-fucking-shit-this-is-amazing kiss. They were floating, and nothing or no one existed except for the two of them.

"Fuck, Ry...," Brendon whimpered, gripping Ryan's neck in a painful combination of nails and pressure, but neither of them really cared.

"Ryan..."

Ryan's pace had become wild and fast, each thrust harder than the last. The ache in Brendon's chest had dropped to his lower stomach and jesus christ he was so fucking CLOSE...

"RYAN!" Brendon shrieked, everything instantly crashing back to earth as he came harder than he ever had in his whole life.

"Fuck!" Ryan cried out when Brendon's muscles clenched around him, and his hips stuttered. "Bren...don...," he breathed out, reaching his orgasm seconds later.

Ryan collapsed against Brendon's thighs, his forehead coming to rest on the other's shoulder. As they laid there heaving for breath, Ryan pushed Brendon's legs off of his shoulders and slid out, taking off the condom and dropping it into the trash.

"Fuck," Brendon groaned when his breathing was back to normal, his head lolling to one side.

"Agreed," Ryan laughed, picking himself up so he could wipe Brendon's cum off of their chests. Rolling over to the side, he grabbed Brendon and held him close.

As they both began to fall asleep, Brendon shivered, the sweat on his body cooling with inactivity. Ryan reached down to tug the sheets over them before possessively wrapping his arms back around Brendon.

"Thanks," Brendon muttered against Ryan's neck. "For everything."

Ryan's lips curved into soft smile against Brendon's hair, no longer able to keep his eyes open. "What are friends for...?"  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer finds out about the night before and Brendon gets scared.

"Brendon, time to wake up!"

No grumble, no complaining, no getting a pillow thrown at his head. In fact, as Spencer stepped into Brendon's hotel room, he became aware that there was no Brendon there at all, his bed still half made.

"Bren?"

He stepped through the open bathroom door, but no one was there either. Spencer sighed and mentally face-palmed when the realization hit him; Brendon had cuddled up to Ryan during the night -- again.

Shaking his head, he barged through the other side of the bathroom to Ryan's room where, as expected, a large lump in the sheets attached to two brown-haired heads lay in the middle of the bed.

Unable to keep a straight face, he grinned as he walked over to them and yanked the covers down. "It's really cute and all when you two cuddle and everything, but it's time to... get up..."

Before anything else, Spencer noticed the empty condom wrapper on the far side of the bed as if it had been carelessly thrown there in the heat of the moment. The pieces not really clicking together yet, he picked it up and dropped it in the trash where something caught his eye that finally DID register; the used condom.

Spencer looked up at them and finally saw that they were both naked. Brendon's perfect ass was right there, bared for all the world to see, one arm slung over Ryan's chest, and Ryan was wrapped around him possessively, holding him close and tight. Backing away from the bed slowly, Spencer covered his mouth to keep himself from freaking out.

Millions of possibilities that didn't involve what he knew had to have happened bolted through his mind, but he couldn't deny the obvious, try as he might. Ryan and Brendon had, more likely than not, had sex, and Spencer knew that this wasn't going to end prettily.

Eventually, Brendon groaned that 'fucking-shit-it's-morning-already' groan just like every morning and tried to stretch, but found himself hindered by warm, strong arms. His eyes flew open to see Ryan's face mere inches from his own, and the memory of the night before flooded back to him.

Ryan's eyelids fluttered open when Brendon sighed. He noticed how close Brendon was only a split second before he saw Spencer leaned against the door frame to the bathroom, his eyes wide in shock, one hand covering his mouth.

Ryan groaned loudly in frustration, finding his boxers before rolling onto his back and hastily pulling them back on. "Really not how I planned to let you know, Spence, but ah, good morning anyway," Ryan muttered in a slightly annoyed tone, scratching the back of his head in his tale tell sign of anxiousness as he sat up.

Brendon's eyes widened at Ryan and his mouth opened slightly in horror. He tugged the sheets back up to cover himself before flopping over onto his back to look up at Spencer. "Well, hi there, Spence," he laughed nervously, an apologetic grin on his face.

"Did you guys...?" Spencer began, letting his question trail off.

Brendon's grin faltered and he glanced over at Ryan. The elder had his eyes glued to the mattress, his face expressionless. Brendon flushed a violent shade of red as he thought about the night before, and that was answer enough for Spencer.

"At least you guys were safe," Spencer tried, forcing a small smile. Ryan looked up at him then, his facial features skewed into a look of anger and something a little deeper that Spencer couldn't quite put a name on.

Spencer's smile faded. "Well, ah, we've gotta go soon. I'll, uh... I-I'll go now."

When he disappeared through the door to the hallway, a heavy silence fell on the room.

"Ryan... are you mad at me?" Brendon nearly whispered after a minute.

"No," he replied harshly, getting up and tugging on a pair of jeans. "I'm mad at myself. Last night..." Ryan snorted incredulously.

Brendon shoved off the covers and pulled on his own boxers, wincing as he finally got to his feet. "Last night was amazing," Brendon argued in a quiet voice, looking across the room at the other.

Ryan shook his head and avoided Brendon's eyes as he searched for a shirt. "Last night was a mistake."

A pang of rejection echoed in Brendon's chest like an empty cave, even though he already knew it was coming. They were just friends, right?

"You can't say you didn't enjoy yourself," Brendon giggled, trying to lighten the mood as Ryan yanked a shirt over his head. "Because there's a few buddies of yours in the trash can that would beg to differ."

Suddenly, Ryan was looming over Brendon, a hand on the back of his neck gripping hard enough to be felt, but not so tight that it really hurt.

"Don't you see, Brendon?" Ryan began, his voice trembling slightly. The look in his eyes matched that of the night before while he fucked Brendon senseless. "That's the problem; last night WAS amazing and I enjoyed myself quite a lot." A crooked grin spread across Ryan's lips, making him look all the more menacing. "Which is why it was a mistake," he added through clenched teeth, digging his nails into the back of Brendon's neck.

Brendon grimaced and Ryan let go as if he had just realized what he was doing.

"Go get dressed," Ryan ordered, looking away from him.

Brendon avoided Ryan for the rest of the day, afraid he might beat the shit out of him or kill him or something. Instead, he clung to Jon for the most part, as hanging around Spencer had become awkward after that morning.

"Brendon, what's eating you, man? At the most, you've said like three words to Spence all day and you're avoiding Ryan like the plague."

Brendon didn't even hesitate to spill his heart to Jon as they sat at the table in the kitchenette of the bus. He hadn't known him as long as the other two, but they had come to a point where they could talk to each other about anything -- absolutely anything.

"You guys actually...? Wow. How was it?"

Brendon glared at Jon, and the elder laughed.

"I'm kidding. But, no, seriously? Ryan's just being a little drama bitch, he'll get over it."

"He looked AND sounded like he was about to gut me this morning."

Jon thought of a joke but suppressed it at the look on Brendon's face. "Ryan? No way. He wouldn't hurt a fly," he defended, laughing.

Brendon rolled his eyes and lifted his shirt, showing the bruises from being tackled in the parking lot the day before and then pointed to his face, where both black eyes were beginning to fade to a sickly yellow-purple.

Jon's smile fell as the realization crossed his face. "You're shitting me."

"No."

"What are you going to do about it? You... you can't just sit there and let him hurt you like that, Bren."

Brendon smiled up at Jon wistfully, the bruises under his eyes making him look all the more pitiful. "I like it, actually. Makes me feel like he does have emotions in there somewhere. Makes me feel like, you know, maybe he could... one day..."

"You love him."

Brendon's eyes began to water, his face scrunched up as he looked away to hide it, and Jon didn't need any more of an answer. He pulled Brendon into a comforting hug and held him there for a long while.

"I'm going to bed," Brendon finally muttered, his voice cracking a little as he pulled away from Jon and dragged himself to the bunk area.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan gets his "revenge" on Brendon.

Several hours later, Brendon woke to a sharp backhand to the face. His outcry was muffled and his instinct to bring a hand to his face was hindered. Still dazed and partially asleep, he realized he was sitting on the toilet in the bathroom of the tour bus, a piece of cloth tied around his mouth and his forearms bound together behind his back with what he could only assume was duct tape. After a few more seconds, he also noticed he was completely naked.

"Finally, you're awake."

The voice hadn't even registered in his head as 'extremely-pissed-off-sounding-Ryan,' when Brendon was thrown to the cold tile floor where he landed on his knees before toppling over onto his face. When it finally had registered, his heart pounded ten times faster; Ryan actually HAD wanted to hurt him.

Brendon tried to roll over onto his back, but a boot against his lower back made him freeze instantly, more out of fear than by force.

"Don't. You. Move."

Each word was punctuated by a noticeable increase in pressure on Brendon's back, and he squeaked in pain as the heel of Ryan's boot dug into his spine. It occurred to him that Ryan could do anything he wanted to do to him then, as helpless as he was, and Brendon's heart skipped a beat. He was so scared he was aroused.

Ryan removed his boot from the small of the other's back and Brendon could finally see those dark brown leather clogs Ryan liked so much as he stepped in front of him. Bending down, Ryan grabbed Brendon by his hair and yanked him back up onto his knees.

"Look at me, Brendon."

Brendon's eyes ticked up to Ryan's face, breathing heavily through his nose. Ryan's line of sight flicked down Brendon's body instead of meeting his eyes, a crooked sneer playing on his lips.

"Oh, look. You're already hard. And to think I haven't even BEGUN yet." He met the other's eyes then, a devilish glint sparking off his irises. "You're in for one hell of a night, Bren." He pressed a decisive thumb against the bridge of Brendon's sensitive nose and dragged it across his face to where the bruises were just beginning to yellow under his left eye.

Brendon squirmed and whimpered against the gag, trying to get away from Ryan's hand but held in place by the other. His eyes were scared and pleading, for what he wasn't quite sure of yet.

Ryan gripped Brendon's jaw with enough force to bruise, and Brendon winced in pain.

"Didn't I tell you not to move?" Ryan's voice was silky smooth with a hint of venom, a couple of his perfect white teeth bared as he grinned wickedly. "I was going to let you blow me, but now I don't think you deserve something so kind." Ryan's hand moved from Brendon's jaw to his cheek. "You know, I think I like you like this."

Brendon shut his eyes and concentrated on the sound of his own breathing, trying his best not to lean into Ryan's touch, which was faint at best. If Brendon had ever felt tortured before, it was nothing compared to this.

"However, the punishment I was thinking of for you is much more degrading if you're standing up," Ryan continued, stepping back behind Brendon and tugging him up by his forearms. Brendon complied with a muffled cry of pain, afraid his shoulder would pop out of socket if he didn't. "Preferably bent over something," he added, shoving Brendon against the cabinets and pressing his face to the counter.

The awkward combination of pleasure and fear Brendon had felt earlier intensified when he heard Ryan unbuckle his belt and pull down his zipper. He knew exactly what Ryan was going to do, but he knew for damn sure this time he wasn't about to play nice.

The unexpected crack of leather against bare skin surprised Brendon more than it hurt, but he cried out all the same, only half of it escaping the gag. After the second lash, Brendon could feel the sting linger a little afterwards, and after the tenth -- yes, he was counting -- his ass and lower back burned.

Throwing the belt to the floor, Ryan untied the gag and ripped it away from Brendon's mouth, stunning the younger into silence. His legs were beginning to tremble with the effort of keeping himself in a standing position, which happened to be a precarious balancing act on his toes.

"Fuck you, Ross," Brendon finally managed to mutter.

"I didn't take that off to hear your shit, Brendon," Ryan growled, and Brendon could hear the distinctive crinkle of a condom wrapper. "I did it to hear you scream," he finished, forcing himself inside Brendon to the hilt, not even waiting for the other to adjust before he picked up a rhythm.

Brendon's responding cry was more of a choked sob, the complicated mix of pain and pleasure nearly unbearable. Unable to do anything else, Brendon shut his eyes tight and dug his nails into his palms, trying to concentrate his pain where he could relax his lower half so it wouldn't hurt so much.

"You can't just waltz into my room at night, seduce me, and get me to fuck you without some repercussions. Did you think we could just go on afterwards like before? Like normal? Did you think that we could still be just friends?"

Ryan's voice was quiet and velvety, his hands planted on the counter either side of Brendon's hips. The upper half of his body was leaned over Brendon's back, close enough to feel the heat, but not touching. The younger man's chest and face were pressed mercilessly into the countertop, the friction of laminate on skin becoming painful.

Ryan dug a finger into a bruise on Brendon's hip and the younger cried out. "Did you think that I wouldn't fall for you?"

Brendon's mind froze. What did he just say?

"Because I have, Brendon. I've fallen for the way you look, the way you move..." Brendon groaned. "How you sound... the way you feel," Ryan added, finally gripping Brendon's waist and pushing in harder.

"I don't think you really mean it," Brendon challenged shakily when Ryan fell quiet.

Ryan shifted slightly, effectively shutting Brendon up, but only when it came to coherent words. One hand left Brendon's hip for his shoulder, creating more leverage and, in turn, harder thrusts and louder moans. If Spencer and Jon weren't awake and hearing this by now, there was something seriously wrong with their ears.

"Ryan...," Brendon whimpered, Ryan's cue that the younger man was close. Changing his angle once more, Ryan quickly brought himself to orgasm first.

"No... no, please!" Brendon cried when Ryan slid out and threw the condom away before pulling his pants back up. He wriggled his ass in frustration, desperately searching for Ryan's touch.

"If you don't think I mean it," Ryan panted, ripping the tape from Brendon's flesh, making him jump. "Then you can get your own damn self off."

As soon as Brendon was free from his bonds, he pushed himself up and spun around to face his elder. "Ry, please...," he begged, attempting to grab him.

Ryan's quick reflexes caught the other's wrists and twisted them away before pressing him back against the cabinets. "Not until you believe me."

"Suck me, touch me, anything..."

Ryan dropped to his knees still holding Brendon's wrists, looking up at the younger man with fiery brown eyes. "Do you believe me?" he whispered over Brendon's cock, making him shiver.

"Ryan... just... please!"

"Do. You. Believe. Me?"

Brendon squirmed. "Yes! Yes, I believe you, okay? Just... christ..."

Letting go of his wrists, Ryan pinned Brendon's hips to the cabinets, finally taking his cock into his mouth. A groan fell from Brendon's lips as he threw his head back, running his fingers through Ryan's soft brown hair.

"Oh, fuck!"

Ryan didn't waste any time, Brendon whimpering as he came only a short while later. Swallowing around him, Ryan sucked him completely dry, making sure he got every last drop.

Brendon's hands fell to the counter to steady himself as Ryan stood, wiping his mouth with the back of his slender hand.

"Does Jon know?"

Brendon had to force his synapses back to life before responding with a nod.

"No one else can know," Ryan warned, placing his hands carefully on either side of Brendon's face. "No one else needs to know." Leaning in, he placed a chaste but lingering kiss to Brendon's lips before pulling away.

"I love you, Ryan," Brendon blurted, grabbing Ryan's shirt before he could leave.

The elder's eyes softened a little and he allowed Brendon to hug him, and Ryan pressed his face into the other's neck.

Brendon could have sworn he heard Ryan whisper, "I love you too," but he just might have imagined it.  



End file.
